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5 ways to look at breakups from the perspective of your highest self

Whether you’ve been dating someone for years, months or even weeks, breakups always tend to take the crown when it comes to the most uncomfortable of life experiences. But they don’t have to be. 

First of all, we invite you to take a moment to look at where you are now because of that relationship. Sometimes life has to throw you a challenging situation to get you to listen, pay attention and change direction in a way that serves you better. Breakups are benchmarks in life that really have the potential to make you take a hard look at yourself, where you are and where you want to be. 

When you’re in the throws of break up discomfort it can be hard to really see the light at the end of the tunnel, but remember, your higher self always knows that what you’re experiencing is ultimately what you need in order to grow. Healing and working through a breakup isn’t always easy, but if you practice changing your perspective of your breakup experience, you really will sail through the healing process and see amazing results. 

Let’s take a look at how your higher self sees breakups. 

Your higher self sees all emotion as equal 

Whatever way you look at it, breakups bring up some uncomfortable emotions. Really take the time to allow whatever emotion is coming up without judgement - the tears, the anger, the uncomfortable bodily reactions. Breathe into it, journal about it, talk about it with a friend, really do your best to express what you are feeling. If you try to numb the painful emotion, it can begin to manifest in other ways later on. Your higher self loves and accepts all of you and knows that there is a process to healing. Try and make absolute peace with where you are. And as our relationship coach Lubka Strhakova (link) says, “the discomfort is where the juiciness is”, so instead of avoiding it, why don’t you lean into it? Getting comfortable with the discomfort will help you build resilience and a fearlessness that will help you through future challenges. 


“Emotional pain cannot kill you, but running from it can. Allow. Embrace. Let yourself feel. Let yourself heal.” 

- Vironika Tugaleva, life coach and poet 


Your higher self sees the valuable lessons learnt 

Breakups bring about some wonderful life lessons. Once the dust has settled and you’ve come out the otherside of the grieving period, you can begin to look at what you learnt about yourself and what you now want in a partnership. Now is the time to get real with yourself and look at where you can take responsibility for how it ended.

  • Where do you notice relationship patterns that you may have repeated?
  • Where could you have loved yourself more?
  • Where could you have communicated your needs better? Or listened better?
  • What can you do differently next time?

Reflecting on what you have learned from the relationship and how it has served as a stepping stone, is essential for your future relationships. Journaling down the answers to these questions is a great practice. 

Your higher self forgives 

Holding onto anger and resentment about the relationship, whether it’s towards yourself or anyone else, will just keep you stuck in the memory of the relationship. When you forgive, you become free of all negative feelings about the past. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you’re excusing someone’s behaviour, it’s about self-healing and releasing yourself from the harm that holding onto negative thoughts and feelings brings you. Acceptance of past hurt is the key here. 

A good practice is to write a letter of forgiveness to your ex-partner outlining all the times you felt wronged by them and then to put yourself in their shoes. Think about why they might have done what they did - what could have been their underlying motivation? This is not to excuse anything they’ve done, but to bring about a new level of awareness and understanding around what was going on for them and how they might have been feeling. 

Please note, this letter is for you, and not to ever be sent to them. The object of this exercise is to practise forgiveness, not to reconcile a relationship. 

Your higher self always believes something amazing is going to happen 

Out with the old and in with the new! If there’s one amazing thing about breakups, it’s that they create space for something or someone even more wonderful to come into your life. 

Breakups are the change that you are ultimately asking for. You may not be able to see it straight away, but soon you will realise that this relationship had to happen in order for you to be guided onto the new path that is now in front of you. Amazing things are on their way to you and the more you choose to think good thoughts about your future, the more wonderful things will start flowing into your life. A great practice is to journal about what you now want to create and who you now want to manifest into your life. 

Your higher self is eternally grateful for the relationship 

It’s really important to get to a place (eventually) where you can look back at the relationship with a sense of gratitude. 

That person who caused your heart to break, made you who you are today with all your new awarenesses and desires about what you now want. They were a part of your life’s journey, a moment in time, and will always be a part of you.

Every relationship contributes massively to shaping the better version of you that you are now. Because we are always becoming better versions of ourselves. 
Every heartbreak paves the way for something bigger, better and more beautiful to come your way. 

So be thankful for every heartbreak. They bring you closer to….YOU! 


“Be thankful for every heartbreak, for they were planned. They come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. Their purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life. And you do.” 

- Unknown 


If you are experiencing heartbreak and need some support during your healing process, then you may want to see our beautiful coach and energy healer Emma Arden, who offers her very powerful ‘power up session’, which includes talk therapy, EFT, reiki, and breathwork. 

Or, if you want to deep dive into changing relationship patterns, our Integrative psychotherapist Hannah D’Souza can really help you understand and clear your negative thoughts and behaviors, replacing them with healthy ones.